Incidents.

There were many incidents where I tend to get upset...I don't know I just can't feel love. It's like I'm a burden, everything ended up as my fault. What's wrong? Many times I just feel like giving up but another part of me is telling me that if I give up, I will regret..with that I just push on myself. Being straight forward is one thing, understanding and compromising is another thing and that I've often feel that when I just don't get enough of the love, or maybe I just ain't showed that. I don't know what I want, I don't know what he wants, I don't know what we want.

I'm trying my best not to blog here about my down sides coz I know that if one day he manage to find this place he'd be really upset about it. But if I don't talk about it somehow I just feel really stuffy inside and I don't feel good at all seriously. The bluntness edge of his words can sometimes really hurt me to a very large extent and at many times I just feel like retaliating, I can't keep up with his pace. We're at different worlds, I'm trying my best to complement him already but I don't even think that he is even complementing me in the slightest extent, okay maybe I overlooked many parts, he did put in effort but then what I want again, why can't he just know, I've told him about it but then it just seems to go pass him. Or maybe he just didn't want to change himself... Maybe I just whine too much and take things too seriously, I need to give my self back to my positive self, I can't take it much longer, I need his warmth, I need his self, I need his words, I need him.


Is it wrong to love someone and expect love back? Sometimes I just wished he could choose his words more wisely, words are very dangerous. Maybe I should just let go of my tight personality....


I had my morning classes cancelled, I tried not to sms him to wake him up anymore, I tried so many things to please what he said, I'm changing myself to what I don't even recognize anymore, when I look back at myself, I'm like, what am I now? I can't find the original me in myself anymore, I can't see myself, I can't hear myself, my thoughts my positiveness, where am I? I can't find myself...Where are you??



I chatted with one of my 'not so close' facebook friend, and told him about the base of what happened today and that I feel really down, I just can't figure out where is the comfort I'm looking for, it's not here, I'm just in a relationship that makes me feel sad, so what do I do? I don't know. End this relationship? I don't want it...maybe it's time for him to stay no to me and end my feelings..