Hatred

It's been ages since I last blogged bout anything. Too tired to be bothered. Too tired to do anything to motivate myself. *shrugs*


Anyway, I've realised that I've something against clubbers,cheaters and people who are in open relationships.
There's two parts of me that shares conflicting views.



Part of me believes that everyone is free to choose what they wanna do and they should not be condemned. Another part of me really hates people who goes out for casual 'fun', cheats around and hook people up at clubs. Idk it just feels god damn weird, there's just this pang of hatred that I can't get rid of. It's like ugh, I despise you mother fucker. Just burn in hell or something. (Just angry words to depict how I felt.)

Does that hatred comes from jealousy? Honestly, I'm not too sure either...but..jealousy? From what? Jealous of not being able to live like them? Maybe there's a part of me that just wants to let go of everything and just advance to a world where I'm not bound by my bondage.



I'm trying to escape...trying to. Maybe, just maybe one day..the other me might die off. Then I'd not be able to reason things out and fight any urges....

Maybe...just maybe.

Kaze

My Fears and Trepidations

I get defensive. I get irritated. I get aggressive. I get sarcastic. That's only because I feel intimidated. By all of my insecurities and all of the uncertainties that's going on. 

I'm afraid of getting ambushed by the other me that I've sealed way long ago. 

When it just surges forward and refuses to settle back in. 

The me that was always so naive and stupid.

The me that was so easily hurt and intimidated.

The me that was always so disgustingly hopeful and gentle. 

The me that was left vulnerable sitting on the wooden bench. Under the rain. Waiting and waiting. Just clinging onto a spider thread of hope.

 

When someone comes along and tries to pry through the locks I've had in place, I feel really uncomfortable and intimidated. I'm just too afraid of being let down again. So much so that I neglect the present which might open the right door I've been looking for.

It's really hilarious isn't it? When it comes to the person I love, I'm unable to control my emotions. I'm unable to stop myself from getting upset and jealous over every little stupid thing. And most of the time, I'd just hide whatever I feel deep down. So much so that I don't look vulnerable. . 

I get upset because I care. I get cold because I'm afraid. I get quiet because I'm fighting a war within myself. I guess it just doesn't shows that way. I only have myself to blame. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fr-0t0vOryQ

Sometimes I let myself out, for a short while. Just for a really really short while. to let my other soul breathe and be hopeful. To let myself be vulnerable to someone. But usually it just ends up in an ugly mess. And it'd retreat back into my sanctuary eventually. 

It's ironic how I've always preached, "But he who dare not grasp the thorns, shall not crave the rose."

I dare not crave for the roses because of the experiences of invisible bleeding wounds. If only, if only I could just kill my emotions and start fooling around. 

-Kage

Angst

Just so sick of everything. Maybe I should just release my demons.



Why am I getting so upset over small things? I feel stupid. Real stupid.
Time to wake up and stop acting like a victim. You are not one, and you know that too.





Stop whispering sweet nothings. I have my pride. I won't allow a foot in me that easily. And please don't come looking for me coz you think I'm good looking or attractive. I'm not. It's all just in the photos. I will disappoint you in real life, so don't come at me with unpure intentions.



I'm really exhausted. Can't think well. Just gonna hit the sack.
Kage

Scissors business

Disclaimer: This post is based on real life experiences, any similarities in your life just meant that you are delusional awesome.
Warming: Side effects may include seeing of lines, headaches, boredness, drowsiness, dry-mouth, sensitivity to light, blindness, liquification, lost of memory or even impotence. Stop reading once it happens and consult a doctor if the situation persists.

Haha, been really really lazy busy so yeah, couldn't be bothered really find time to actually upload anything on mah my blog. @@;   )  :    Sorry!!!

Anyways, I've been desperately trying my best to escape from clear my makeup lessons, and it has been piling stagnant for quite a bit. Today, I went through a full day worth of classes and it was hell amazing. Woke up early in the morning for my lessons and had a fucked up an amazing day. I was so not excited!!!


I reached the bus stop with 3 minutes ample time before class starts and I chiong-ed slowly walked across the road. Something fucked up amazing happened. Guess what? An abortion-survivor angelic bird decided to bombard greet me with an egg of fury astonishing gift. It was milky white with a bit of brown and green and it was filled with half digested marvelous tree seeds. I was horrified enchanted by it. FML Lucky me huh?

Was almost late for class Reached my school with remarkable punctuality and I was so proud of myself feeling humble. My earliest 3 hours of much dreaded appreciated class was on the proper method of hair cutting. I played with my scissors practiced the motion that was taught and my fingers bruised like fuck really felt like it was created to bond with my pair of scissors. The metal literally bit into my fingers fit onto my finger and it felt really sensational good. I felt like I was a bloody clown in pain real professional and it was disastrous liberating.


Anyway, I felt like I stepped on a thousand lemons improved a lot at the end of the day. Happily went home and had a ninja lizard beautiful creature waiting ahead in the darkness for me. It was ambushing me welcoming me home and I didn't realised. Not till I fucking stepped on it and finally found it wiggling waggling its tail at me like a dog missing its owner. It was such a scrotum slamming  beautiful day, I genuinely hope that this would not fucking continue. I'd love to have another one of this torturous and depressing sexciting and fulfilling day.


Thanks for reading my blog everyone. With loads and loads of love.
Kaze

Breaking Point

I'm almost at my limit...


Lessons Per Normal - Usually starts at 8am ends at 6pm
Landscape Design Studio III - Have to purchase materials for models this week. + Autocad Landscaping on softscape + hardscape + detailing. [Staying in school's loft this entire week to finish it.]
Floristry & Event Management (FYP), Saturday. [Buy plant materials, buy decorative materials + finish report & decoration preparations by Friday]
World Issues, A Singapore Perspective: Political Systems final presentation + report due next week.
Plant Identification II - Common test on taxonomy and classifications of plants. [50 over plants.] - On Thursday
Turf Management Field Trip Report - Needs further editing. - Due this Thursday.
Workforce Professional Photo Shoot - This Thursday. [My steam iron made yellow brownish rust spots on my formal shirt, I don't have any other formal shirts.]
Hard Disk Data Extraction - Have to collect in two weeks time if not data will be deleted and I'll still have to pay 1.5k. [Wednesday slot is fully booked, must collect on weekdays, timing 9.30am - 10.30am and 2.00pm - 4.00pm.] --> Fuck I've got lessons god dammit.
Project Management Project - Due on 29 July.

Horticulture Engineering Creative Project - Due end of Semester.
Turf Management Creative Project - Due end of Semester.
Landscape Workshop + Test - Next Saturday.
Part Time Hairstyling Diploma - 12 hours per week.

I have no idea how I'm gonna do this. I know I shouldn't be posting this...but, if I don't, I don't have the courage to continue.

-kage

Reminiscences Of Past: Prologue Part 2

While slurping his bowl of noodles, Kaze's eyes wandered down the class table and eventually stopped at where the 'new guy' was. 'Hmmm...he seems lonely sia, I wonder if he's coping well with this class.' He thought as he let out an audible sigh. "Maybe I'll go talk to him and see what happens." Kaze finally decided.
'Well, I don't think it'll hurt to make another friend heh!' Kaze amused himself with that thought as he returned his tray to the respective stall.

'Hey, what's your name?' He asked as he jerked his chin.
'I'm Ryu, why?' Ryu said as he briefly gave a side glance to Kaze.
'Oh damn, this guy seems nasty.' Kaze thought as he attempted to hide that thought from showing.
'Nothing lah, was just wondering where you from.' Kaze replied sheepishly as he tries to look into Ryu's eyes.
'Why should I tell you? None of your business right?' He replied with obvious aggression.

Kaze withdrew immediately and left without rebuking. He swiftly walked back to his seat with a face that was devoid of emotions. It was expected, he chided himself, this class is filled with jerks and arseholes who are not motivated to study.

Kaze diverted his gaze out of the window and followed the movement of the graying clouds that were approaching. A storm is brewing.



To be continued...

Reminiscences Of Past: Prologue Part 1

This story is about the love life and the major events faced by the protagonist through his secondary school days.

Disclaimer: This post is based on a real life story, any similarities in your life just means that you are delusional a friend of the protagonist, hurhur. 
Warning: Side effects may include seeing of lines, headaches, boredness, drowsiness, dry-mouth, sensitivity to light, blindness, liquification, lost of memory or even impotence. Stop reading once it happens and consult a doctor if the situation persists.


Things have settled down somewhat over the past two years and Kaze has begin to blend better into the class. MM secondary school was his school, an all boys school, filled with retards and annoying people ruthless and fearless delinquents. His class is a dump for all low grades a black listed class, notorious for all the wrong reasons and feared and respected by the students from all the other classes. Among them lies a charming normal and chirpy student who was forced nominated into the honorable position of the class dog chairman. No one dared to disiao find trouble with him because of his wide variety of connections and it saved him from the shit of the underworld protected him from the events of the underworld.

Eh no shit, why are we talking about all this? This ain't no power struggle story. Kk, back to the story.

'Who's this person sitting at the far corner of the class? Mm...he seems so aloof.' or so Kaze thought to himself as he stared at the crumpled uniform of his new classmate while lazily fumbling for his textbook. Kaze took a quick scan around the class and was greeted by a class filled with heads that were glued to the table. 'Haiz, wa lao eh, it's not fair man, why can't the class chairman sleep too sia..' or so Kaze grumbled to himself while reluctantly opening his textbook to the page the teacher was instructing on. 'Sian, maths. Oh well, recess next, nvm, tahan a bit.' mumbled Kaze as he forcefully push away all the unpleasant thoughts and started making mental notes of what to eat in the break while he started drawing doodles on the textbook.

To be continued...

Long time no post!

Gg, sorry guys!! Haven't been posting very often even though I promised to....

But yeah well, basically, the hard disk of my lappy has issues and I can't retrieve the data from it. Haiz, I'm probably gonna send it to some specialist to retrieve the data...but it's probably gonna cost a bomb. $1k++ , idk...heard from da acer guy!

 SIAN SIAAAAAAA!!! My dataaaaaa!! My portfoliooooo!!! All mah picturessss nuuuuuu... THISSSS CANNOTTTT BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.


-
 Okay lah, I promise to continue blogging if I get mah data back! Till then!!!
-kaze

Dice

The dice I've rolled said it missed. Please, don't expect me to open myself to your whims. -kage

Politics

Am really pissed right now. I don't know man, I've been steering myself away from all this politics for so long and now, during the final year for the forming of groups, they actually left me out.


Group A invited me to join their group, I accepted at first, but I turned them down later because Group B invited me to join afterwards. (I'm doing my FYP [Final Year Project] with Group B, so I thought it'd be more convenient if we were in the same group.)

Well after the day has passed, the 'root of all this politic' formed her own group and apparently left me out. Idk, seriously, I don't really care anymore. If I don't get into any group, I'm still gonna try da finish this, even if I have to finish this alone.



-kage

Panda!

This picture was taken in USA. I think I was visiting the Panda Express or something then I came across this suggestive picture HAHAHA. *runs around in circles*

Good night everyone!
I'm sick orz.
-kaze

Dessert!!

My mum cooked this the other day!! It's damn nice when it's served chilled lahhh!!

She added a purple colored dragon fruit which gave the soup its distinctive purplish hue!
Awesome righttttt~!!

[Random fact: dragon fruit comes from cactus.]





-kaze

When shit happens.

Ouchie ouchie ouchie!!!




I'm joking LOL, this is my first manicure done by my friend.
-kaze

Insects!

Warning! Viewers discretion is advised!


Haha, anyway, these are some photos I've taken way back. Didn't really had the time to upload it so yeah @@.








DIE COCKROACH DIEEEEEEE!!

-kaze

Assignments!

Hey guys!! Sorry, I've not been updating my blog haha, had a lot of things to do. [Was lazy, sorry (˘̩̩̩~˘̩̩̩ƪ) ]

But yeahh!! I'll be updating more often after I get my laptop fixed. Sending it for repair tomorrow, if not there will be hell when my school starts, I'm sooo gonna get owned @@;.
Anyways, like what the title says, this is one of the many assignments I've done. I know it ain't perfect and there's like a load of mistakes, but yeah, I was too tired to change anything. And heyyy, I'm proud of my work okay, it's mah baby!








































Cya guys, till my laptop is fixed!
-kaze